Hollywood Edition

Hollywood is really mad at the technology industry for killing SOPA, their bill to equip the US government with China and Iran-like powers to take down web sites suspected of “assisting” piracy, without any due process.

From their rhetoric, it’s clear that Hollywood still hasn’t learned anything from this. And then it struck me…why don’t we teach them?

Since they’re so persnickety about licensing agreements, let’s amend all of our terms of use to require all movie moguls to use a special “Hollywood Edition” of our products.

Here are some of the special new features we’ll be giving them…

Before you can do a Google search, you have to sit through five minutes of ads for Google Chrome, Chromebooks by Samsung, Android Phones by Motorola, and that amazing straight-to-video blockbuster, Google+. And oh yeah, don’t even think about trying to skip the ads. A cute little red “X” appears in the corner of your screen if you try to do that.
Microsoft Word will no longer allow you to read or edit movie scripts that are obvious takeoffs from other movies. We get the message: remixing content to make something new is wrong. Bonus for us: this would have stopped you from absolutely ruining “Arthur” in the remake.
If you fly off to your vacation home in the south of France, your Mac won’t boot up at all. Remember, it’s your fault for traveling – just buy another one with the right “region code.”
Twitter still works fine in the Hollywood Edition. But all tweets are delayed for about three hours, unless you want to pay $10 a day to see them immediately. Bonus for you: every other tweet will offer you some really overpriced popcorn.

So enjoy “Hollywood Edition,” you movie moguls. Remember, we’re doing this for YOU because you’re the customer, and we want to make sure you’re well entertained.

Based on what we’ve learned from you, the best way to do that is annoying you to no end.

Nick

We’ll let you use the screen’s full resolution if you pay us $10 and if you’ll let us make sure that you won’t display copyrighted works on them. If not, you’ll be restricted to 800×600.

Additionally, each website you visit will now be funnelled through some broadcaster in your country. So, if PBS won’t carry Wikipedia for you, we’ll solve this problem by also making sure that receiving CBC is illegal!

http://www.aaronklein.com/ Aaron Klein

http://twitter.com/JacoPretorius Jaco Pretorius

Sometimes pushing stuff to the extreme can be really funny – good job. I especially liked the bit about your Mac not working in France

WBL

This is not the extreme, these are the facts of the movie industry
http://www.aaronklein.com/ Aaron Klein

Thanks

Guest

When you start up any program, you first get to watch a 30-second, modal, full screen “FBI Anti-Software-Piracy Warning”; each and every time you start up any program, including booting your laptop’s OS.

http://www.aaronklein.com/ Aaron Klein

I don’t have any programs that do that.

Anonymous

You don’t have any Twitter clients that delay messages and sell you popcorn either. Try re-reading the reply in the context of your own blog post.

http://www.aaronklein.com/ Aaron Klein

Whoops, I misunderstood what he/she meant by that comment. You are correct.

Anonymous

That should be only if you have purchased a legitimate copy you have the pleasure of this notice.

Anonymous

You will receive a warning the *first* time you attempt to use CTRL+C & CTRL+V. This includes the popup mouse menu for copy & paste. The very next time you attempt to use this “feature” you will be billed $80,000.00 per character copied. And, another $80,000.00 per character pasted. After all, they are indeed separate violations. Removing power to the device, encrypting the device, or any other attempt to circumvent these measures will result in additional fines and possible jail time.
Welcome to “Hollywood Edition”!
Anonymous

You will receive a warning the *first* time you attempt to use CTRL+C & CTRL+V. This includes the popup mouse menu for copy & paste. The very next time you attempt to use this “feature” you will be billed $80,000.00 per character copied. And, another $80,000.00 per character pasted. After all, they are indeed separate violations. Removing power to the device, encrypting the device, or any other attempt to circumvent these measures will result in additional fines and possible jail time.
Welcome to “Hollywood Edition”!
http://aakarpost.com/ Aakar

Enjoyed!

http://www.aaronklein.com/ Aaron Klein

Thanks!
http://www.aaronklein.com/ Aaron Klein

Thanks!

http://aakarpost.com/ Aakar

Enjoyed!
Anthony

Your laptop will need the right kind of cable to connect to a monitor: be sure to check if your monitor uses the 1.0, 1.1, 1.2, 1.2a, 1.3a, 1.3b. 1.4, 1.4a, 1.4b VGA standard. If you use the wrong kind of cable or try to connect to an older monitor you may get a blank screen. If you use a KVM you’ll need to upgrade it to the latest VGA standard too. Be sure to call ahead when presenting at conferences to make sure your slides will show up.
Anthony

Your laptop will need the right kind of cable to connect to a monitor: be sure to check if your monitor uses the 1.0, 1.1, 1.2, 1.2a, 1.3a, 1.3b. 1.4, 1.4a, 1.4b VGA standard. If you use the wrong kind of cable or try to connect to an older monitor you may get a blank screen. If you use a KVM you’ll need to upgrade it to the latest VGA standard too. Be sure to call ahead when presenting at conferences to make sure your slides will show up.
Anonymous

Funny take on the RIAA/MPAA mess.

Although I find the whole “Entertainment Industry’s” iron clad grip on the Sheeple of the world (especially America) amusing to no end.

The reason that the RIAA/MPAA has all these stupid restrictions, sues their customers, uses draconian DMCA measures, etc, etc, is BECAUSE THEY CAN.

The sheeple viewers/listeners just let themselves be herded into the bend-over-pen, and takes it up the backdoor time and time again.

Entertainment (especially the dribble currently put out – both music and movies) is not required to live. You can go months, years even without watching a movie or listening to music. Plus there are plenty of legally free indie artists out there to keep you amused for decades.

So the easy solution is to STOP IT. If you are fed up with how the Music and Movie industry treats you – STOP USING THEIR PRODUCTS.

If their potential customers would stop feeding them money no matter how many times they back hand them across the face, things would quickly change.

Once the money train is broken, and the sheeple stop screaming “yes sir, can I have another” when they’re screwed over again and again, real service competition will break out (there is no honor among thieves, so there certainly isn’t any honor among movie studios or music labels).

But it will never happen (and the 1%-er’s know it). Sheeple love to bitch, but actually do anything that would insure a change – Bwahahahahahahahaha, that would be somewhat inconvenient, so it’s never going to happen.

Guest

Even if a tiny amount of users stop using their products, it’s not going to make even a tiny dent in their profits. The overwhelming majority of the users they cater for wouldn’t even know what DCMA or SOPA are.

Anonymous

So what you’re saying is that the minority group that complains about DCMA or SOPA are just whiners – since the majority of the Music/Movie customers are blissfully ignorant of being continually bitch slapped the minority (aka ungrateful bastards) should just shut up and be happy like the rest of the group.

Yeah, that’s what the RIAA/MPAA are counting on.

http://terriblelabs.com Jeremy Weiskotten

I can’t take anyone seriously who uses the word “sheeple”. It seriously makes you sound like an asshole.

Anonymous

Yes, how awful to use a modern term that perfectly describes the mindless drones that revel in their low IQ and just beg to be herded so that they don’t have to rub their dwindling supply of brain cells together.

FacePalmForYou

Aren’t the sheeple who ‘just beg to be herded’ still preferable to the condescending douchebags who revel in displaying how asinine they can sound when they rub their own dwindling supply of brain cells together?

John Nicholas

could say the same about your response. Why take an emotive response to an objective statement? Did something hit a nerve and upset you?

A sheep

The problem is it makes it seem like you view a large percentage of the population as mindless drones that revel in their low IQ and just beg to be herded so
that they don’t have to rub their dwindling supply of brain cells
together.

John Nicholas

well mr sheep. Most people *are* below the median iq because of the shape of the curve – they have to be by definition. Most people will readily admit that they are quite happy being herded because they don’t want to be ‘that guy’ who is trying to make people change and his post said nothing about him not being in the group of sheeple. The point of the OP is that people need to talk with their wallets, the responses to this comment all reaffirm the reasons for posting it. If people don’t like being referred to as sheep they should probably stop dressing as sheep. Its just perhaps OP decided to use tact to induce the idea in others so maybe they would buy into it and hopefully realise it.
http://twitter.com/DPinchott Dominic Pinchott

Perhaps you mean “Most people are below the MEAN iq…”

By “definition” exactly half of the people are below the Median regardless of “the shape of the curve”.

In some cases, the Mean IQ could be dragged upwards by exceptional individuals on one end. There is a floor of 0 on the other end. I have not looked at the population’s distribution of IQ though, as it is not necessary to understand the difference between Mean and Median.

I’d also like to see the data linking IQ and heard mentality in media consumption. Just because some one may show as intelligent on an IQ scale should not mean they have unique tastes and independent consumption habits for entertainment media.

http://twitter.com/toriverw Tor Iver Wilhelmsen

I guess people who use the word “sheeple” fancy themselves as wolves. But are sadly deluded…

John Nicholas

not really because people bleat and moan but don’t take action. They are trying to screw everyone and everyone seems to keep giving them money with an inaudible sigh.

http://www.aaronklein.com/ Aaron Klein

See, I think that’s basically already happening. Box office revenues are flat this year, but ticket sales are WAY down. The only way they’ve kept revenues flat is to raise ticket prices (3D gimmicks played a role).

My point is that if the content industry would treat their customers like most tech companies do, I think they’d actually see their revenue grow.

Huagaisheng

把中国和伊朗并列，无知真可怕

Piotr Teicher

我们就忽略好莱坞，让他们已经死亡。

http://www.aaronklein.com/ Aaron Klein

现在已经发生了。票房收入已下降，除了提高门票价格。电影公司需要建立一个与客户的关系。它的工作原理。

http://www.aaronklein.com/ Aaron Klein

无知是可怕的。治疗你的客户，重要的是，任何行业生存。

http://www.alearningaday.com Rohan

On a roll, Aaron!

http://www.aaronklein.com/ Aaron Klein

Thanks my friend

http://twitter.com/ilyamuromec Ilya Petrov

Well, we can just blacklist some of this companies in our OpenSource licenses.

lifanov

You’d destroy the open source movement.
Open source software is non-discriminatory.
You can not deny a particular user the use of your software, or use of your software for a particular purpose, or even offer a different feature set. That would not be open source.

McCrotch

Darn it, he’s being reasonable.

John Nicholas

indeed .. infuriating innit ;p. however one thing that i am reaffirming is that software people really did think all this through 15 years ago when things were really booming fist time. you can tell because all these newcomers haven’t got a single change that would actually improve things. All their ethics just harm customers and clients Eg being able to be anonymous.

Foo

While I agree that would be bad, there’s nothing to stop you from creating your own “GPL+Holywood” license for new or branched BSD/etc. projects.

stupid_rules

I live in the eastern Europe and, when I buy a dvd-player in a shop, they give me printed instructions how to make that particular dvd-player zone ignorant (yes it is possible). Otherwise customer will go to a competitor.

http://www.aaronklein.com/ Aaron Klein

True. But not a mainstream action for most consumers. Hollywood shouldn’t make everything so difficult for their customers.

http://twitter.com/YehaNoha1 Leslie Stockton

excellent…

http://www.aaronklein.com/ Aaron Klein

Why thank you!

http://twitter.com/mgrace74 theMike

Fun to think about, sure, however the consumer still has the power over Hollywood. STOP going to movies & paying their prices.

http://www.aaronklein.com/ Aaron Klein

Very true, but I think it’s already happening. Only reason box office revenue is flat with last year is because of raising ticket prices, 3D gimmicks, etc.

Hopefully Hollywood will get the message and develop a two-way relationship with their customers. It’s how most of tech works and it’s taking over the world.

Piotr Teicher

In close future – If you don’t want to buy their product, you are a pirate. Because you aren’t supporting theb by your money!

Hollywood Editions are great idea. And if some producer will use normal licence – it will be PIRACY! Oh yeah

http://www.aaronklein.com/ Aaron Klein

http://twitter.com/ricardodsanchez Ricardo D. Sanchez

Well done.

http://www.aaronklein.com/ Aaron Klein

Thanks!

Daily Turnout

Thanks for speaking up about this. It’s a damned cheek and I’ve often wondered how I could edit the trailers out of my DVDs. Then there’s the Jeeves box set that forces me to sit through a couple of minutes of warning about copyright theft…

http://www.aaronklein.com/ Aaron Klein

There’s a lot to be said for developing a connection with your customers instead of treating them like peons who can be forced into your conversion funnels.

It’s how the web has evolved and it’s taking over the world.

http://engag.io/ William Mougayar

Good rant Aaron. Very funny, but painfully true.
Has any of these Hollywood types approached you yet for a comedy role?

http://www.aaronklein.com/ Aaron Klein

Thanks William! And no, I may have just burned my bridges for a comedy role…

http://procause.com/ matthewhughes

Awesome.

http://www.aaronklein.com/ Aaron Klein

Thanks

Anonymous

Aaron – nicely done. Especially like the

A cute little red “X” appears in the corner of your screen if you try to do that.

http://www.aaronklein.com/ Aaron Klein

Thanks John

http://twitter.com/Lirodon Lirodon

And also, used cars will only travel at a maximum of 40 mph and have no dashboard stereo/electronics until you buy an Activation Pass from the auto manufacturer. This helps the maker profit from second-hand sales, as theft of potential revenue from consumers buying second-hand automobiles is worse than theft of cars.

http://www.aaronklein.com/ Aaron Klein

Nice. I forgot to bring up resale.

https://blog.tengu.ch/ SwissTengu

So TRUE!

Living in Switzerland, I’m currently strugling with some federal unit in charge of “”"”technical means”"” – understand: they “observe” how those damn DRM and other “technical means” block legal use.
No luck for them:
- I’m using linux
- I will NOT buy some dvd/bvd player
- but I WANT to watch fullHD content

For now, it seems that they will have a look at my problem with some “experts”. I dunno why, but I’m really doubtful about them installing some Linux and try with vlc/mplayer. Anyway, that’s their job .

And if they don’t do anything (well, seeing their “activity report” for the three passed years, I’m pretty sure it will go to a dead-end), I’ll try to knock Warner’s door, as 3 of their media are just unreadable on my system… Who knows, maybe I’ll get some free stuff from them (yeah, dream, small one, just dream) .

I really like the google stuff you described, Aaron. And what about the “cute little red ‘X?” ).
You just made my day with this post!

Thanks

PS: by the way, all of my struggle is online on my blog – “unfortunately” in French…
The Indian

Superb bro… tit for tat….
http://torrentfreak.com/ Rob8urcakes

Great stuff, and yet just as evil and deadly as the MAFIAA crap.

Thanks Aaron
btw I trust the AK set of shooters was named after you? lol

http://www.aaronklein.com/ Aaron Klein

Volker Hett

Hi Aaron, may I translate that to german for my blog? With all credits of cause

http://www.aaronklein.com/ Aaron Klein

Of course!

Volker Hett

Thank you! Next thing tomorrow morning.
Volker Hett

Here it is.
http://www.hett.org/hollywood-ausgabe

Anonymous

this is the perfect place for this. its a Petition for the future SOPA/IP acts that are sure to come.

http://www.change.org/petitions/the-largest-social-networks-and-congress-create-policies-that-will-encourage-internet-growth-and-not-impair-growth?share_id=yCAoRMnWhx&

Hollywood Edition

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